The Sole's Delight

I don't make new year's resolutions. I set goals every  year and revisit them throughout the year. When my goals begin to reappear from one year to the next, that's my signal that I am losing focus and falling off. This year I choose to revisit my creativity. I used to write every day. I had designs for new shoes. I danced. I fed my passion and that nurturing sustained me. Creativity unfortunately had become like prayer for me. I only engaged in it when I was hurting and needed healing and comfort. Now my every day thoughts are my prayers, meaning I don't make it a ritual instead it is a passion. So should be my creative expression. Don't get me wrong this year I took on new challenges. I taught two classes on two campuses, I had the adjustment of a new baby. I had to reestablish my presence at work. Now it is time to balance the professional and the passion.  As I taught my business classes this semester, I attempted to impress upon my students that regar...

Today is quiet. I am sitting in my childhood room, in my bed with my son, looking at the funeral of Officer Liu on television,  reading the posts about Stuart Scott's passing from cancer and having an weird feeling of quiet at the similarities of both men to my father. My day died from a fierce battle of cancer at the young age of 50. Stuart Scott was 49. My dad was a court officer, less than 5 years on the job. He loved his job and his fellow officers loved him. Watching the funeral on TV reminded me so much of the NY court officers lined up down the hall and out to the street of my dad's funeral. My heart goes out to the families of both men. My heart goes out to my own family as I remember my father. It gets better as time goes on but you don't miss your loved ones any less.

After close to three months of giving birth to my son, I have to say that I have found the man of my dreams! lol I am so I love with this little boy, it is beyond words. He has so much personality. He has a style and swagger that is recognizable even at two months old. He mesmerizes people. Even though he can't speak, I know we communicate and bond every moment we are together. It's amazing how God gives you what you want, when you need it. I prayed and visualized this baby boy for years. After losing my parents, I didn't think I wanted to build a family only to face the risk of losing them. After a few years of feeling a certain emptiness, I have been blessed with a second miracle. Oh how I wish my parents could see this little prince. When I look into his face all I see is love and limitless potential. I wonder if this is how all parents feel when they look into their children's eyes. Josiah is that piece of me that I was scared to acknowledge that has been rebor...

So on the eve of my baby shower, I am reflecting on the journey thus far. The biggest turn as been the realization that my intuition was correct and he is a Boy! I put images of my little prince on my vision board a long time ago.  Now knowing that I am weeks away from his arrival, I am getting a little nervous. Raising a black prince in this world we live in is not easy. I pray that I am rightly guided to teach him what he needs to know. In the meantime I celebrate him.

Even though I have been a mother for over ten years, something about this pregnancy scares me. I'm not worried about the baby being healthy or being able to take care of my new little girl. I know how to feed, dress and bathe her. I have an idea of what schools to send her to and where to take her for medical care. But what really scares me, is this time I KNOW... I don't have the excuse of saying "I didn't know because I'm a new mom." I know how certain movies and music may affect her. I know that her dad and I are a model for the relationships he will grow up to have. I know the affects of my decisions will give her certain questions and feeling later on. As I move into the pre-teen stage with my ten year old, I see how what I didn't know is translating into her thoughts and ideas. I'm of saying that she is emotionally crippled or mentally traumatized by the choices I made when she was baby. I am saying that now that I know better I can do better. ...

Over the past weeks, I have lamented over some things happening in my life. I came home tonight, ready to relax just as I always do, hoping to find a quiet place to relax and fall asleep. I turned on Joel Osteen and he said "If you can't be positive, at least be silent." Trying to work through the pain of betrayal and disappointment, I had been speaking about to my friends about what I'm going through. But Joel reminded me that the power of life ad death is in the tongue. In seeking comfort, I actually brought melancholy into my mind and spirit, overlooking the miracles and blessings that surround me every day. My darkest moments have been the birthing ground for my greatest victories. Imani and her little sister are my life changing blessings and accomplishments in the midst of trouble. I am thankful to God for the word that he is given me this night. I needed the renewal of my spirit and mind and the reminder that I HAVE to speak faith and love into my life. He ha...

    The prospect of having a new miniature version of myself, it exciting lol. My first baby girl likes looking good, but hates to shop. She prefers karate over dance and zombies instead of love stories. (Maybe she not totally a miniature version of me LOL) In any event, maybe this little one will share my love of shoes and own the stage (like her mother did once upon a time!) As I wrap my head around the fact that I will be bringing another beautiful African American woman into this world, I draw on the knowledge and experiences that I shared with my mother. I really wish she was here to be part of this process with me. I try to tell my daughter about her but it's just not the same. God has blessed me with sorors, family and friends who surround my girls and I with love and loyalty and I couldn't ask for better women in my life. So as I get closer and closer to the moment of her arrival, I prepare in the way that I only I know how. I buy shoes!! ...