Reborn

As the weather begins to turn and I look forward to another spring and summer, I have mixed emotions. I am always excited about being out in warm summer nights, the energy of the city, all the events going on and of course... my birthday celebration. However, this will be my first life celebration without either one of my parents. It will also mark the first anniversary of the passing of my mother and best friend. Every morning I wake up thankful and with much cause to be happy. When I think about that fact that one day my mom literally just did not wake up, I fight the urge to allow my chest muscles to tighten and just breathe. You here about those things in the news or CSI episodes, but never did I imagine something so unexplainable and unfathomable would happen to someone I love so dearly.

This last 10 months have been an exercise in faith, trust, release, and acceptance. Proud at the fact that I am able to wake up and smile over what I have while still hurting over what I've lost, I feel more alive than I ever have. When I look at other people who wake up angry and discontent over trivial things or ego driven acts of control, I am no longer upset. I can only feel pity. I know they will feel the appreciation for what they have today, only when it's gone tomorrow. If they only knew...

I don't claim to be some enlightened guru. I am working through my journey every day, but I am proud of the journey. I wear my scars, my hurt, my passion, my happiness and my desires as easily as a new pair of shoes. I accept where I am today, knowing that as I know better I will continue to do better. I no longer allow people to steal my joy or dictate my emotions and in so doing, I find that the universe has gladly provided me with the things and people that bring constant smiles to my face.