Growing Adventure

Even though I have been a mother for over ten years, something about this pregnancy scares me. I'm not worried about the baby being healthy or being able to take care of my new little girl. I know how to feed, dress and bathe her. I have an idea of what schools to send her to and where to take her for medical care. But what really scares me, is this time I KNOW... I don't have the excuse of saying "I didn't know because I'm a new mom." I know how certain movies and music may affect her. I know that her dad and I are a model for the relationships he will grow up to have. I know the affects of my decisions will give her certain questions and feeling later on. As I move into the pre-teen stage with my ten year old, I see how what I didn't know is translating into her thoughts and ideas. I'm of saying that she is emotionally crippled or mentally traumatized by the choices I made when she was baby. I am saying that now that I know better I can do better.
Today I had a sonogram and saw my little one bending and contorting herself in every way he could in my belly, seeming just as happy and content as she could be. All I could do was laugh and smile because it's she's not even officially in this world and yet she is already doing her thing, entertaining herself and exploring even in the confines of my womb. She is an adventurer, a mover and a shaker (literally LOL) and I couldn't be more happy. It is my job to keep her that way. To keep her aware but afraid of this world. It is my charge to nurture her, and at the same time, give her the room to grow. It is my job to expand and change for both of my girls and give them what I have while they simultaneously mold me as a mother.
 
When I looked at that monitor and saw that my baby girl wasn't afraid and was in a perfect space at this moment in time, then I stopped being afraid. I am who I am supposed to be at this moment in time for both of my girls. I have given them what I have and what I could give when I had it to give. I am a mother. An ever -changing, learning, growing, mother and my baby girl reminded me of that today.  

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